One year, on my 30th birthday, I walked into the cafeteria in the morning, and Tilak handed me a bowl of miyeok-guk — Korean seaweed soup.

If you grew up Korean, you know that soup. You eat it on your birthday. It’s a tradition, something a loved one typically makes you. It’s simple but meaningful and def not something you find in a tech startup cafeteria.

He didn’t make a big pot for everyone, and it wasn’t on the menu for the day. He made a single pot just for me, in the middle of his packed morning, prepping for the day’s food, for a company of around 400 people. Because he knew I was Korean. Because he remembered it was my birthday. Because he cared.

And I’ll never forget it.

That moment stuck with me because it wasn’t big or loud. It was personal. Quiet. Intentional. He saw me, and he went out of his way to do something special for me.

That’s the kind of care that can’t be taught in an onboarding doc or at school.

As Executive Assistants, we move fast, but we need to always lead with this kind of care. Our jobs are messy and unpredictable, and no one is handing out gold stars for going above and beyond. In fact, some people might say “you’re doing too much”, “you’re being extra”, “that’s not in your job description”. But the best people in this role (the ones who get brought into rooms early, who get trusted with the real stuff, who won’t get replaced by AI) are the ones who see the people behind the calendar invites and titles, and the ones who remember the little things and act on them.

It’s not about overextending yourself or being a hero. It’s about care and awareness. It’s about quietly choosing to go beyond the job description — not for recognition, but because it’s who you are, you notice it, and you want to.

What Tilak did wasn’t flashy. It was just soup.

But here’s the thing: it’s never just soup. It’s the gesture. The timing. The intention. The thoughtfulness. It’s going above and beyond what’s expected of you, not because someone asked, but because you noticed. Because you cared.

And people notice when you care. They notice when you take the time to remember their birthday, or how they take their coffee, or that they had a hard week and might need a quiet morning. They feel it when you go out of your way to add that extra touch of delight and when you anticipate instead of react.

That level of thoughtfulness, empathy, and emotional intelligence? That’s what sets great EAs apart. It’s what builds trust. It’s what makes people feel safe and supported. Those are things that can’t be automated.

AI can schedule meetings. It can take notes. It can even summarize conversations better than most humans. But what it can’t do is feel what someone needs. It can’t walk into a room and sense the energy shift. It can’t read the subtext, adjust the tone, hold space, or bring the kind of care that makes someone truly feel seen.

That’s the work. That’s the part of this job that isn’t in the job description, but it’s the part that matters most over the long run. And it’s what will separate you from all the other EAs who just do their job.

So yes, I still think about that bowl of seaweed soup. Not because it was extravagant, but because it was human.

And in a world that’s moving faster and becoming more automated by the day, being deeply human in your work is no longer a “nice to have”. It’s the whole point.

Why? Because a lot of EA work is incredibly task-heavy: calendars, travel, emails, expenses, reminders, meeting notes, follow-ups. That’s exactly the kind of stuff AI loves. And it’s getting really, really good at it. Fast.

So yes, if your role is built entirely on scheduling meetings and booking travel, you should be paying attention. Because AI can (and soon will) do that faster, cheaper, and with fewer errors.

But here’s the thing: great EAs were never just doing that anyway.

The Executive Assistants who will not only survive this shift, but actually thrive in it, are the ones who bring something AI can’t touch (for now…):

• Intuition and critical thinking

• Emotional intelligence and empathy

• Strategic insight

• Political savvy and navigation within the office

• Genuine care for people

These EAs are the ones who anticipate what their exec needs before it’s asked. They are the ones who manage up, manage sideways, and often times manage the entire company’s energy. They can read the room, and they can read people’s body language and eye twitches and facial expressions. They can build relationships. They can handle the drama and tactfully deal with office politics. And they can catch the things that don’t live in an inbox.

AI can do logistics. But it can’t do judgment. It can automate a task. But it can’t build trust. It can make quick decisions. But it can’t be strategic.

So yeah, AI is going to force a shift in our industry soon… and honestly? It’s about time. Because this job has always been about more than being an EA. It’s about being a strategic partner, a stabilizing force, and a behind-the-scenes operator who makes the chaos somehow work.

EAs who are willing to evolve - who embrace AI as a tool, not a threat - are going to be incredibly powerful in the years to come. But that’s only half the equation.

Because even if you do learn how to use AI, it won’t matter if you haven’t mastered the human elements of this role.

• The ability to build trust

• To read a room

• To understand when to speak up and when to just know

• To move with grace, empathy, and emotional intelligence - even in chaos

AI can help you be faster. More efficient. Maybe even sharper. But it will never replace your ability to truly take care of people.

If you want to stay relevant in this new era, you have to bring both:

• Tech fluency and human fluency

You have to be someone who can run a company’s calendar and its emotional weather.

Because in the end, executives won’t remember who booked the flight fastest. They’ll remember who had their back.

But there is one constant.

The universal human desire to be taken care of.

If you lead with that, everything else about your job becomes a little clearer. Most EAs can figure out a calendar. Plenty can book international travel or plan a polished offsite. But not everyone wants to take care of their executive. Not everyone knows how to either. And not everyone sees that as the heart of the role.

It’s funny because you’ll never see “take care of your executive” on a job description. It doesn’t quite fit under “core responsibilities” even though that’s like the most important responsibility. To me, it’s the difference between a good EA and a great one.

Over the past decade, I’ve interviewed hundreds of EAs - probably around 170 in the last seven months alone. The ones who stand out? They all lead with care. It’s in their tone, their language, the way they speak about their work, the way they describe their relationship with their past and current executives.

They aren’t just looking for a job - they’re looking to make someone’s life run better, smoother, easier, they’re looking to take things off of their exec’s plate, and they’re looking to learn how to adapt to their exec in order to be the best EA for them.

When you approach your work with the intention to care, everything shifts. You begin to think differently. You take initiative, remove friction, and look around corners. You want to make sure your executive is prepped for their meeting, has something to eat between calls, and feels supported before a big company announcement.

You learn to calendar in a way that mirrors your exec’s energy, not just their availability. You learn how to protect their time and know how to push back on folks. You draft emails and manage inboxes with their voice in mind. You grab coffee because you know they need it. You make sure no meetings go past a certain time so they make it to their kid’s soccer game. You do your very best to learn your executive.

It’s not about being nice. It’s about being intentional, working with purpose, being strategic.

These aren’t just tasks. They’re care in action. You can only do these things well if you care and know how to observe and pay attention.

I started reading Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara, and while I haven’t finished it yet, the ideas resonate deeply in our EA world. Guidara talks about creating extraordinary experiences by going above and beyond - being “unreasonably” generous with your time, energy, and thoughtfulness. That mindset? It’s exactly what separates standout EAs from the rest.

Ask any EA who loves what they do, and they’ll tell you: they care. Deeply. About their executive, their team, the company, the work. And this care translates into making people feel taken care of.

Ask any executive who has had an incredible EA, and they’ll tell you their EA took care of them and the team, was on top of everything, and was responsible, reliable, trustworthy, adaptable, and proactive.

One thing I know for sure is that more so than it being about the work you do, it’s how you make people feel and how you make them feel taken care of. But also, you can’t do a bad job if you start out with a mindset of taking care of people. I feel like it would be a contradiction, no? Like how would you even let yourself do a bad job if you cared about taking care of those around you?

On the flip side, if you care only about yourself and your growth, it will show. You may end up focusing on the wrong things, potentially burning bridges, making bad executive decisions, not understanding your executive. Of course, you do have to care about you and your well being, I’m not saying don’t focus on you. But only focusing on you is what can lead to a negative outcome, if not in the near-term, then definitely in the long-term.

When you can make your executive and team feel taken care of, that reputation is what’s long lasting. That is what makes way for more opportunities. That is what people remember you for even after you part ways. That is where all the positive backchannels about you will come from. That is what gives you your bonuses and raises and promotions.

So wherever you are, whoever you support, always remember that people have a natural human desire to want to be taken care of. It may be to varying degrees (I know some execs are a hard nut to crack), but deep down inside, I think we all have that want in us.

Lead with that mindset, act accordingly, and everything else will follow.

There are a lot of deep lessons to be learned from this movie. Some of them are obvious. Like:

• You need to be a positive reflection of your executive

• Work hard and build your reputation because it will benefit you in the end

• Even extremely tough executives have a soft spot deep down

• Everyone is replaceable, but not everyone is valuable

• Entry level jobs are the best training grounds

• Perceived power is fleeting

• Put your friends and family first over work

• Etc.

All of these were things I believed in when watching the movie back in 2006 and still believe in now in 2024. Holy shit, it’s been 18 years???

However, there is ONE part of the movie that I had a perspective on back then that is very different today. And it’s about coffee.

In this movie, Miranda (Meryl Streep) wanted her coffee a specific way, delivered and on her desk at the same time everyday.

At the time, I thought, that’s pretty damn ridiculous to get mad over coffee not being delivered by a certain time. What’s the big deal?

Today though, I understand that it’s not about the coffee or when it’s delivered.

I’ve learned over time that it’s actually about whether or not you can follow directions, be consistent, and be relied upon. It’s also about whether you take the task at hand seriously, simple or not. It’s about whether you respect your executive’s time and requests enough to make sure they are delivered correctly. It’s about how much you understand your executive.

Do you care enough to fix the coffee order if it’s wrong? Do you care enough to make sure they get it on time? Do you care enough about their schedule? Do you care enough about your executive to ensure that they get what they’ve asked for?

Your executive is busy. If they are like Miranda and need coffee at 830am everyday, it’s because they have a routine and are on a strict schedule and this would be one less thing they’d have to worry about. And isn’t it your job to help make their work lives smoother?

If you can adapt to your executive’s schedule, needs, preferences, and requests about food or coffee, then you can probably adapt to everything else they need from you.

If you can do your very best to get it right as often as you can, you’re probably more likely to care equally as much about getting the details right for the upcoming board meeting or SKO or team offsite or their complicated business travel.

If they see that you consistently get the little details correct, they’ll learn to trust you quicker, rely on you, and know that you have their back.

If you care about details, you will probably also care about the way you talk to others on email and your executive’s calendar in general and representing your exec well.

Ultimately, it’s deeper than simply making sure that the coffee arrives on time the way your executive wanted it.

It’s about whether or not you give a shit.

P.S. Think about all the things you’re super picky about. For me, it’s my coffee. When I get an iced latte with extra ice, and it doesn’t come with extra ice, which I can tell immediately by the color of the coffee, it annoys me… almost to the point where sometimes, it can put me in a really. bad. mood.

Is it stupid? Yes.

Can I control that feeling? Sure.

Am I going to drink it? Absolutely not. The texture and ratio of too much milk to coffee is weirdly gross to me.

If my husband is the one who goes in to pick up my coffee and he can also tell that the color is off, will he ask the barista to remake it? Yes… because he knows me haha. And he cares about me.

We’re all human. We’re all allowed to have our quirks and preferences and requests. And we’re all allowed to get annoyed if things don’t go our way.

So let your exec be... with whatever seemingly crazy request they might have. And remember, it’s not about the coffee. It’s deeper than that. It’s about who you are as an Executive Assistant.

He gave me feedback about how next time, for a dinner with our main investor, maybe we could take it up a notch and book something a little better and bigger. Not necessarily more expensive, but maybe not mom and pop-py, and definitely not too loud.

I was recently reminded of this when I was chatting with an executive friend of mine who was searching for an EA. He told me that one of the criteria for his EA would have to be someone who was well-traveled, more experienced, and knew how to pick out “good” restaurants.

If you had told me in my early years as an EA that picking out good restaurants was a skill, I would have laughed. But I loved that he pointed that out. It told me that he knew exactly the kind of EA he needed.

The reason picking out a good restaurant is a skill is because it takes more than simply making a reservation on OpenTable. You have to understand who the dinner is for, who the host is, what everyone’s dietary restrictions are, what the conversation will be about, what star or dollar sign level is appropriate, what ambience is required, what decibel level is best, what the goal of the dinner is, what layout you want/need, etc.

Once you understand all the details, only then can you start the search. Just because the food is good, doesn’t mean it’s the right restaurant.

Picking out a good restaurant also requires life experience and resourcefulness. If your executive is traveling to Turkey or Japan for a business trip, how do you go about finding an appropriate restaurant? What do you do when there is a language barrier? What about when there’s a cultural barrier? What if your exec is vegetarian, but business folks in Seoul, Korea always treat their guests to a meat-heavy restaurant because that is a sign of respect? How do you find out what type of restaurant it is and what’s on the menu that’s written in another language? How do you tactfully ask their assistant to change the restaurant if it doesn’t suit your executive’s dietary restrictions?

This applies not just to picking restaurants. It applies to how we pick offsite venues, corporate retreats, hotels and car services for our execs, sales incentive trips, team building activities, etc.

You’re not going to do this well at the start of your EA career, and that’s ok. You’re not meant to. You haven’t been exposed to what’s out there - all the variety, all the options. It will take practice and lots of trial and error and making mistakes before you can do this with your eyes closed.

But like with anything in life, with practice you’ll get better at it.

Kindness gets you places. Even years later. This was one of the constant things I told the admins I worked closest with.

The backchannel that helped you get your next job could have happened because someone noticed your hard work and kind personality from 3 years ago. The woman you were kind to in your pilates class, even though she hit your car, could end up being the mom of one of your kid’s classmates. The person on your team you helped when you didn’t have to will want to return the favor 5 years down the road. All of these examples (and I have hundreds more) are actually things that have really happened to me.

But what is “kindness”? Is it just being nice to people? No. It’s treating them like human beings. It’s remembering their names, saying hello, having empathy for them, celebrating with them, being patient with them, saying sorry when you screwed up, being grateful and saying thanks, helping them when they come to you, and scratching their back when they scratch yours.

Here’s the thing about being an Executive Assistant. It encompasses way more than simply being the assistant to an executive and helping make their days go smoothly or taking things off their plate or having them prepared for meetings. A huge chunk of our work relies on the relationships and resources that we have, and at the core of your foundation as an EA has to be the kindness… why? because you can’t build the relationships if you’re a dick. I said what I said.

On top of all that, the more senior level of an EA you become, the kinder you should be. At that level, people look to you for guidance. They look to you for help. You are a reflection of the CEO or C-level executive whom you support, and you should represent them well and positively.

I think what some people fail to realize is that how they act now, how they make people feel now, what they say now, things they do now, all have an effect on people later.

Of course we are all human and we can’t always be kind. We lose our shit and we get angry and we say mean things. I certainly have been there. But generally speaking, I don’t think it’s that hard to make an effort to be kind or to remedy an unkind act.

Your kindness could go a long way in both your work life and personal life. We reap the benefits of it even over a decade(s) later. I have seen it prove to be true in other people and I have also experienced it first hand.

Morale of the story? Be kind. Don’t be an asshole.

Yes. But also no. Especially, and maybe specifically, when it comes to being an Executive Assistant, or at least that’s all I can speak on given my experience. This role is hard and demanding. It can be draining. It can be emotionally exhausting. It can be lonely. So if you don’t really care about the role, and you’re just here to do what you need to do, and get your paycheck, then you will limit your growth and what this role could be for you. You will miss the excitement, the challenges, and the spark and joys this job can bring.

Being an Executive Assistant can be a long term gig for people who really, truly enjoy the job. And caring about the role, the work, the executive(s) you support, the team you work with, will help you naturally become better at the job.

If you care about doing a good job, you’ll want to do a good job, you’ll want to learn from mistakes, and you’ll want to grow and be better. If you care about the executive you support, you’ll do what you can to help make them look good and make their work lives easier. If you care about the team, you’ll grow your network and build relationships and become a great representative of your exec and the company.

Caring will also make you stand out. Your efforts will show through your work and relationships. When EAs ask me how they could be better, how they could get that promotion, how they could level up, I sometimes want to say “you just have to care deeply and that’s it” because I truly believe that through caring stems everything else that I talk about - ie building relationships, adapting, being resourceful, being strategic, etc.

Here’s a simple example:

I once worked for a great executive I respected. I enjoyed the work, the team, and the company, and I cared deeply about doing the best job I possibly could.

One day, he asked me to help find a gift for a high profile founder and investor in Silicon Valley whom we wanted to impress and thank. I took it upon myself to make sure that I got him what I thought would be the absolute best and most memorable gift he would receive, simply because I wanted my executive to look good. I researched, I reached out to my network, I dug and dug and dug, and finally found this investor’s favorite winery. I reached out to that winery, they had his sales records, and they recommended a brand new bottle of one of the best wines they had that he hadn’t yet purchased and they only had a few dozen bottles of.

Long story short, I drove 1.5 hours to this winery to pick up the wine, and gave it to my executive to hand deliver to the investor at their next meeting. He received the wine and was blown away, mentioning that this winery was his favorite, and that he was waiting for the release of this bottle. He was extremely grateful, and I know it made a lasting impression on him.

On the flip side, I worked for someone who asked me to get a gift for someone. Because I was so busy with my clients, I couldn’t “care” fully and deeply. Not because I didn’t want to, but simply because I didn’t have time. And because of this, I didn’t spend the time to research and dig in to what this person liked, and instead just got them something generic and sent it on its merry way.

That’s the difference between caring and not caring. When you care, you do everything in your power to do a good, impressionable job. When you don’t care (or can’t care), you’re no different than anyone else who does your job. Anyone can just send any bottle of wine to someone. But not anyone can send the recipient their favorite winery’s wine, and a special, unique bottle at that. In one instance, the recipient will be appreciative, in the other, the recipient will be grateful and touched and remember you/your exec for being different.

Yes, my example is about wine and gifting, and that’s only a small part of what we do regularly, but this concept of “caring” applies to everything we do. I could go on with a list of examples, but you get the point.

You want to do a good job? You want to be a better EA? You want to stand out from others?

Then I have the answer for you: CARE.

I like to mention building relationships because I’ve seen people succeed when they are great at it, and I’ve seen people suffer when they didn’t take the time to do it.

I gave this advice once to an admin assistant, and she said “I don’t feel comfortable building relationships with people”. I get it. I am an introvert, I get anxiety in large crowds, I don’t like small talk, and I don’t like having to be “fake”. But building relationships is not all about small talk and needing to become someone’s best friend. It can be done in so many different, subtle, even silent ways.

Remember this quote?

“…people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - by Maya Angelou

It’s true. And that’s the basis of how I view relationship building.

Here are some examples of ways one can build relationships:

If you only have time to do one thing, then say ‘hi” and “thank you”

• People, including you, want to feel appreciated and acknowledged. Sometimes, all it takes is a simple “hi” and “thank you”. Honestly, greeting the front desk or security team when you walk into your office or in today’s remote-era, a “good morning” text or cat gif (this never seems to fail lol) on a Slack channel could be sufficient. Throw in a bitmoji for good measure or download Slackmojis and start reacting with :meow_party: (or whatever Slackmoji shouts your name).

Remember people’s names and things about them

• Not a necessity, but if you are able to do this, do it. This skill is a huge asset to you as an individual. Utilize it.

Help coworkers who need help (time and bandwidth permitting), even though they are not your exec

• I feel like this is just an obvious human rule, so I’ll leave it at that. Obviously though, don’t offer to help if you’re not able to keep up with what your main role is.

Do your job well

• This is another obvious one to me. People will learn to trust you, respect you, rely on you, talk about you and how great you are, and naturally will want to get to know you.

When scheduling meetings, take into consideration other people’s schedules and work with them to make meetings work

• Don’t be that EA who just schedules meetings for your exec without looking at other people’s availabilities because you think everyone should accommodate your busy CEO. Other people have lives and personal schedules, take those into consideration and really try hard to find the “best” time that works for everyone. Sacrifices will need to be made, sure, but the fact that you tried and communicated that with others will make a world of a difference. People will remember this.

Get people who help you a small gift of thanks

• I once gave someone who helped me with a task a bag of white chocolate M&Ms and put a post-it note on it saying “thank you for all your help” because I knew they loved these. It cost me less than $3, but helped me build a relationship that I still have with them to this day. They happened to work in the mailing & shipping dept at our company, and over the course of many years, they have helped me so much with last minute shipping fires and urgent mailing requests or deliveries that my execs had.

Send your vendors referrals

• Referrals mean more business for vendors, which in turn means more sales and more money. People love referrals. I am still friends with vendors I worked with at my previous full time job, and we still help each other out even though I left 5 years ago. I cannot count the number of times I’ve run into an issue involving my execs and had one of these people come through for me, still to this day.

Like or comment on people’s social media posts

• Social media can stir up lots of conversations online and in person. I’ve made some great friends and built lasting relationships with coworkers over Instagram conversations. A quick like or a comment or bringing something up that you saw on a coworker’s post the next time you see them are great ways to start conversations and build relationships. Don’t be fake about it though. If you find yourself being too forceful about your likes and comments, then this is not your style. Move on to something that’s more you :).

There are many more ways one can build relationships. Find what works for your personality.

So now, back to the question this post is based on — how does building relationships help you be better at your job?

Building relationships helps you:

• know who to go to for quick answers and problem solving

• get things done faster and more efficiently, especially last minute

• schedule meetings with others easier

• understand what’s happening on your executive’s team

• pull favors from others

• get a table at a restaurant with no more reservations available

• get special access to popular or sold out events, conferences, parties

• build your reputation, making you more reliable and trustworthy

• etc. — my list is endless

On a semi-unrelated note, building relationships will also help you in your future. Everyone you come across might be able to help you one day, whether it’s a week from now or 5 to 10 years from now. For example, backchannel referencing is huge in the Bay Area. People whom you rarely worked with before might get asked about you when you’re looking for your next role. Maybe they can’t speak on what it’s like to work on the same team as you but they could speak on your reputation. Will they remember you as that EA who was considerate of everyone’s schedules and collaborated with others to make things work? Or will they remember you as that EA who was on their high horse? Will they remember you as a badass EA who got shit done and could make the impossible possible? Or will they remember you as being unreliable and inefficient and gossipy?

This brings me to the next question, with whom should you build relationships with? Aside from the obvious answer of “everyone”, here’s a general list:

• your executive

• your executive’s direct reports and their teams

• people in all the different departments at your company — i.e. shipping/mailing, cafeteria, janitorial, PR/Comms, Marketing, Engineering, Product, Design, Finance, Legal, etc.

• vendors you use frequently — i.e. car service companies, travel agents, restaurant managers, and florists, caterers, event planners, to name a few

• other EAs internally and externally whom you communicate and schedule with often

Build those relationships, and I can assure you, it will not only come in handy in the future, it will inevitably help you get things done, build your reputation, and become better and more efficient at your job overall.

This is what I wrote, in all lowercase letters in true Janet fashion lol: “you are in control of your feelings. you are in control of the mindset you choose to be in. you are in control of how much you want to dive into a situation or not. you are in control of how many 1:1s you have on your calendar. if you’re drowning, take control of your time and learn to prioritize it better. if you heard some gossip, how you react to it is in your control. if you heard of a situation that affects you, you are in control of how you want to handle it. don’t blame other people. look within first.”

We can’t control the things that happen to us, but we can control the way we react to them. I think this is such an important philosophy and way of thinking (enter Stoicism). And it’s super helpful in helping me personally move forward, grow, and progress as an EA, as well as a human being.

I encountered numerous situations at work where situations blew out of proportion (there were lots of misunderstandings and communication issues), some EAs (including me at one point) were drowning because they had too much on their plate (including 8-10 casual catch-up 1:1s scheduled sporadically throughout the week), and there were clashes between executives and their EAs (for a number of reasons that could’ve have been controlled). And of course, that’s not even the half of it.

The point is, if you find yourself caught up with a heavy workload, on the brink of burnout, in too deep with work drama and gossip, in too many meetings, etc. then take back that control and prioritize what is most important to you. You don’t have to take on all the work by yourself, you don’t have to do all those meetings, you certainly don’t have to do all those 1:1s, heck you don’t even have to be at that company! Lol. Maybe I took that one too far (or maybe that’s just what you needed to hear? hmm), but you know what I mean.

Learn to put yourself first. Learn to say no tactfully. Be your biggest advocate. You are in control of how you react to things, people, situations, emails, Slack messages. You are in control of your own schedule. You are in control of managing your own workload.

I know it’s easier said than done. And depending on your personality and childhood trauma (I’m a people pleaser, but story for another time) and life experiences, you will react to this message differently, but it IS possible to be in control of yourself - no one can control your emotions, thoughts, opinions, workload, health. It just takes lots of practice and time. I say this because I know (and it’s still something I have to actively work on).