There is a very specific kind of chaos that lives inside my brain - the brain of a working mom.
From the outside, I look generally competent - cool, calm, and collected (though hair is always in a bun and makeup is usually not done).
Everything (I mean, everything) is in the calendar. Even reminders. And it’s color-coded.
Slack, email, text replies are generally fast. I’m always on. 24/7.
Kids are at school on time (mostly).
On the inside?
It’s 47 browser tabs. All playing different music at once.
But somehow, it all makes sense to me.
Here’s what the internal monologue actually sounds like:
I opened my laptop to send one email.
Why am I now researching summer camps - acting camp, fencing camp, church camp, AI camp? Am I signing up for too much? But the other option is the kids will stay home. And that’s not an option.
If I don’t write this down immediately it will disappear forever.
Where is a pen.
Why are there no pens in this house.
We have 4,000 pens. Oh here’s that special mechanical pencil I’ve been looking for forever. Shit what did I need to write down?
Where is my phone?
It’s in my back pocket.
I need 12 uninterrupted minutes to solve my entire life.
During these 12 minutes, I have to call AT&T, schedule my hair appointment, oh yes can’t forget botox and the laser appointments, order the cabinet hardware, return the Amazon packages, buy my son’s friend’s birthday present, go grocery shopping, get gas, can I squeeze in a massage?
Did I respond to that email in my head, my dream, or in real life?
I deserve a Haagen-Dazs mini coffee almond toffee crunch for surviving this morning. My diet can start tomorrow, right?
Oh speaking of food. Lunch. It’s 3pm.
I forgot I also eat.
I cannot possibly take on one more thing.
Immediately takes on one more thing. Because I can handle it obvi (ugh why do I do this to myself).
Why is planning for spirit days just as stressful as planning events for work? Neon day? Look like a grandparent day? Wild west? Favorite decade? Twin day? No. No more.
I was just doing something very important.
What was it?
Oh can’t forget to send the meeting invites, but need Comms Team’s greenlight.
Need to also book flight, hotel, car. Reconfirm conference speaking slot.
CEO left ipad on the plane. Ok don’t freak out…
Investor meetings last minute for today? But the day is full of back to back meetings, all of which are, of course, important and hi-pri. Ok no big deal… breathe.
I thrive under pressure.
Creates the pressure.
I need a system.
Spends 45 minutes building a new Notion dashboard instead of doing the task.
I need to learn AI. Let me ask Claude Cowork to help me with something.
Spends next hour prompting and re-prompting and yelling at and apologizing to Claude. I should call her Claudette. Since I call ChatGPT Chad, he’s my homie.
I should be more present.
Brain: Let’s replay that mildly awkward thing from 2014.
Everyone needs something from me.
I also need something from me. Omg look at these white hairs, when’s my next hair appointment?
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The wild part?
Most working moms with ADHD are high-functioning.
We hit deadlines. Piece of cake.
We show up to meetings prepared. No brainer.
We remember everyone’s snack preferences and dietary restrictions. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
We manage homes like COO-level operators. I could moonlight as a property manager.
But internally it’s:
“Please do not talk to me while I’m thinking because the thought is fragile and will evaporate.”
It’s loving your career.
It’s loving your partner and your kids.
And also wanting to sit in your car in silence doom scrolling Instagram for 30 minutes before walking inside.
Or hiding in the house somewhere catching up on a Korean drama because I absolutely cannot function and do anything else in that moment (this is where you’ll find me late Friday evenings).
It’s brilliance and exhaustion living in the same body.
And here’s what I’ve learned:
The chaos isn’t a character flaw.
It’s a brain that’s fast. Pattern-seeing. Hyper-creative. High-output.
It just doesn’t always run in a straight line. And that’s ok.
You’re not broken. I’m not broken.
We’re probably just running a very powerful operating system… without a pause button.
And honestly?
We’re still kind of crushing it.